Orientation

The future, the past and the present are intertwined, a weave that forms any point in time.


My JC1 orientation ended yesterday night, and I'm only posting this today coz' it ended late yesterday night and I'm dead beat. You guys will know why later. Anyways, I can only come up with a word to describe the orientation. AAAAWWWWEEEESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE!!! Yup, I've gone crazy the last 4 days!! I really mean it. It's been quite some time since I've had so much fun to the point that I went so high and ecstatic! It is proven that enthusiasm infects people around too. When you take a look around me, my House, my State(Orientation group) and the entire school, we totally gone crazy!!!


The first day of orientation is usually boring, when you are surrounded mostly by people you don't know. Well, unless it's with the people already know for quite some time, like BreakTHRU camp last year, where I had it with my classmates I known for at least a year. Obviously, since I'm entering college life, I don't know at least 95% of the people around. As I walked towards the hall to assemble, I quickly scanned through the orientation grouping board for my name. I'm placed into a state named "Areden", and my House is "Aquila". Our mascot/symbol is the Eagle. Our colour is Blue. By "(colour) (Name) (Symbol)", There're also the green Sagittarius Archers, the red Taurus Bulls, and the yellow Rasalas Lions. Expectedly, I know no one in the same state as me.


During bonding sessions and lectures, I decided to take the first step this time and reach out to my fellow groupmates. I sat beside a guy named Jagpreet(I call him Jag for short) during introductory lectures, and introduced myself and made conversations with him. 4 days later, you see us laughing, dancing, cheering crazily together! I met Daan, Hafiz, Murti, Isaac, Xaverie, Denise, Iman, and many others in my state, as well as my house and school. I've also two fantastic House Group Leaders(HGLs) in charge of us who had been taking great care of us in our 4 days of orientation: Fazillah and Wei Ling. We started learning our mass dance steps on the very first day. It turned out to be a couple dance. "OMG, no way." was what I thought at first. However, it turned out to be one of the best parts in orientation that I really enjoyed, together with everyone else who was hyped up too!


The second and third day had many talks and introductory lectures as well. We had also fostered our house and state spirit and relationship through making our own state banners, and learning house cheers. If you have heard our house cheers, trust me, you'll feel it earth moving, and tremble before Aquila's might. Our house cheers shows so much strength and spirit that it "murdered" all the other houses. We're certainly the best in cheering, no doubts. Again we practised our dance steps and I "sort of" of mastered the dance already. We also had the Amazing Race on the third day, which is definitely a turning point as my state Areden went all out, winning almost everything, and we truly became a team. We also went very high, did cheers everywhere, marking the start of us going crazy in the orientation.


The fourth and final day in orientation, we have a campfire in the evening. Each house is supposed to put up a show during campfire, with the best house declared the winner at the end of the campfire. We practised our house item for the campfire again and again, planning to emerge as winners. By that time, Aquila has already bonded as really strong house to be feared, bringing the roof down every time we cheer. We're bound to win. The campfire officially opened, when the wooden cradle was set ablaze. As each house perform their very own item during the campfire, we certainly had lots of fun, and gave our very best in performing our item, and cheering as crazily as we can. As the very end, guess which house won? AQUILA WON!!!!!!!! Wootz, I can still remember how we totally went nuts, cheering at the top of our voices when we are declared the winners. It was so chaotic for Aquila, while the other houses sat and stared at disbelief. We ran all around, fists up in the air, jumping here and there, screaming like there's no tomorrow. I realised I used the word "crazy' a lot of times, but I think "crazy" is an understatement. I'm not exaggerating.


Of course, our mass dance (Fire Burning and Dynamite) is, of course, our finale of the night, and we enjoyed every single bit of it. Trust me, if I hear the songs anywhere, I might even dance outta nowhere. Every one of us were like "Can we dance again?". Going crazy all night totally knocked me out when I reached home. Man, I wish I can do it all over again. Maybe I will, next year, if I join the House EXCO, which means I will lead the JC1s in THEIR orientation next year :P


But the principal reminded us that the time for fun is over. Indeed. Within less than two years, I'm gonna take my 'A' levels. This time, I'm gonna redeem myself. I gotta score really really well, and head to a university, being able to take the course I want. So that I can close the gap between me and my dreams. And be able to reunite with my friends. 

New Beginnings

The beginning is the most important part of the work.


As of today 6:40AM, I have received a message informing me of where I am posted to, in my post-secondary education. I'm still in bed then, only waking up at 10AM plus... Yup, I'm indeed heading to a Junior College(JC). My new life starts tomorrow. Gotta meet new people, study new stuff, utilise new facilities in my JC... Well, it looks like I won't be able to wake up late anymore coz' school is finally starting. 


I didn't forget how I was, when I first stepped into my Primary School and my Secondary School. I feel like a total stranger, both to the school facilities, and the people around me. That's how I'll feel tomorrow. I suppose everything will be fine, since I've survived so many years of education. I keep wondering what kind of people I'm gonna meet there. I hope that I'll be able to make wonderful friends, meet cool teachers and do well in my studies. My friends... I have never felt so far away from them. Not that we are all separated physically, more of spiritually. We'll be attending different JCs and Polytechnics, and it just makes me feel so... So separated.


Will I find friends like them in my fresh start in a new school? I'm about to find out soon. But I'll never forget each and every one of my friends who spent 4 years in the same secondary school with me. Those years hold a special place in my heart. Such beautiful memories. Will we be able to meet again? I'm sure we will...


沈佳宜，上了大学之后，不要太快让别的男生追到你，好不好？- 那些年, 我们一起追的女孩 经典台词

Chinese New Year

"Here's to the bright New Year, and a fond farewell to the old; here's to the things that are yet to come, and to the memories that we hold."


Today is officially the third day of the Chinese New Year(CNY). The past three days have been "fun", including the eve of the CNY which the family are supposed to get together, sit down, and have a proper reunion dinner. As usual, every eve of CNY, I'll have to visit my grandmother's place to have reunion dinner with the rest of my extended family. My extended family is really huge(well, maybe not as huge as some of my friends have, but still I consider it as huge), consisting of perhaps more than 20 people? Not all came, since some chose to come on the actual day of the CNY.


Reunion dinner is the same each year. I don't very much see the difference. Compared to others, I seem very much closer to my relatives. Ya, I am indeed close to my relatives, especially the older ones. All my uncles and aunts, my cousins and my grandmother herself, I am very close to them. I'm comfortable talking to 80% of my extended family, maybe due to the fact that I see them quite frequently since I was born, having to visit my grandmother's place every fortnight, and I'm going to be 17 this year so you guys get the idea. I can easily crack jokes and laugh with my uncles, chat with my much older cousins(most are above 25, two even got married already), and interact with the cousins near my age too. I pretty much know everybody in my extended family and even beyond. My dad is the youngest son of my grandparents, so therefore I'm one of the youngest grandchildren too. 


Every CNY, there's usually the ambience, the air and the surroundings, full of the CNY spirit. Yes, decorations are put up, and we are doing what we've done over the years... But somehow this year seems a little different. It just seem that this year seems a little colder. I wasn't the first person to notice this year's difference. My cousins as well as my other relatives felt the same way too. I mean, this year is the Year of the Dragon, perceived by many to be an very auspicious year! But I just can't feel the CNY spirit. Is it the fact that we keep repeating the same stuff year after year, that made us unable to feel exceptionally happy on a certain occasion which marks the start of a new year(according to the lunar calendar). Is the magic lost?


Then again, I don't feel the magic fading away for other occasions like Christmas, New Year's Day etc. Well, when I think about it, even National Day got affected. I went to the National Day Parade(NDP) last year and the crowd there was no longer as hyped as it was. I still remember when I'm only Primary Three or Two when I first went to the NDP and we were really hyped and I can feel the patriotism all around the Kallang Stadium. 


Perhaps it really is too repetitive that we are actually "bored" on these significant occasions... Is it really so? Or did people's thoughts change? 

Dreams

Dreams are seedlings of reality - Napoleon Hill

It has been almost a full month now. For the past 3/4 weeks I've been dreaming a lot. I'm dreaming all kinds of stuff. From taking O-Level results, getting into a Junior College with a few of my friends, all the way to heading to USS with another bunch of my friends(NOT with the people I actually went with in real life during last Christmas Eve). Some of these dreams I had are absolutely ridiculous, while others still makes some sense, and perhaps are also symbolic. The point is, I've been dreaming almost every single night, save 2 occasions which I didn't dream.

I'd never dreamed so much before. In the past, I only used to dream like maybe once or twice a week if I'm lucky. Sometimes it's maybe twice or thrice in a month. I didn't dream often. Most of the time I just sleep soundly and wake up the next morning. However, I'm dreaming like almost every single night for the past month. Every dream is different, in plot and in setting, but somehow the characters in my dreams didn't change much. It's always the same few people in my recent dreams. 

The last dream 'marathon' I had was during October and Mid-November, during the O-Levels period. That time I dreamt mostly of my class 4E. Maybe because I knew that we're all gonna separate someday and thinking that I'll really miss them, therefore I dreamt of them, for quite a number of dreams. This time, it isn't specifically 4E. I don't particularly dream of the class 4E together, I only dream of certain people who are closer to me.

People say that when you dream of a certain someone, it meant that that person thinks about you before they go to sleep(or something like that, I'm not very sure either). I have no idea whether it's true coz' it apparently didn't make any sense. Well, I did some research and found out that it actually meant that you think of that certain someone very deeply during the day, which caused your mind to involve that person in your dreams(Not confirmed either, but most people agreed on this). So I guess I think of my close friends a lot, since they keep appearing in my recent dreams. Or maybe... just one person in particular.

Sometimes I wish that I lived in my dream instead of living here in real life, especially when my dream is a very beautiful one. Sometimes I wish this dream will never end, so that I can continue living in it, without having to wake up and face the harsh reality of our current life. I know I shouldn't be so delusional but it's just so tempting. When will reality be better than in my dreams? I'm still waiting for that to happen.

Decision

When others place impossible expectations on a man, he must redefine his goals, and forge his own path. That way at least someone is satisfied. - Swordmaster Istian Goss


This week is is gonna be a very busy week as I have to visit Open Houses in the various JCs I am considering to put into my twelve choices of JCs and Poly courses. I have only until this Friday, 4pm, to submit my choices. That means I have only less than 2 days left to make twelve choices.

Yesterday and today, I visited Serangoon JC, Yishun JC and St. Andrew JC(SAJC), with a few of my friends. I wasn't really impressed with the previous two while I really really liked SAJC as I checked out the college, it has a very conducive learning environment, nice facilities, fine teachers, and a great reputation. I wished my results can land me there, but only a miracle will allow that to happen. Anyways I should keep to my faith! Maybe a miracle really will happen. 


Speaking of results, yes... I didn't do well. Nope, I didn't hit my target. Yes, I admit, I am very disappointed. I really wanna go to at least SAJC. But even with the CCA bonus point and affliation points deduction, I am still 3 big points away from hitting last year's cut-off point for SAJC. It will be an very difficult uphill battle even if I place it within my top choices. My results will most likely bring me to either a less prestigious JC, which may be a nearby Innova JC or Yishun JC, or a suitable Polytechnic course. The problem is... I don't really know which is suitable for me. JC life will be tough, as strong-willed as I am, I might crumble under all the stress. As for Polytechnics, I am not very confident that I will excel in a particular course, even though I have a huge interest in it. I wouldn't be bothered by this if my results shown a bit more quality, coz' I would have flew straight to a JC of my choice.


Well, very soon I'll have to make my choices anyway, just have to pray that I'll make the right choice. 

Results (Part 2)

Do not count what you have lost. Count only what you still have. - Zensunni Sutra of the First Order 


Actually my results are released two days ago and I'm only writing it now coz' I didn't really have both the mood, and the time to write it. Yep, you guessed it. I didn't hit my target. I am disappointed with myself, really. Although there are some shock achievements like passing my A-Math(that's like almost impossible for me), and passing my Geography, scoring an totally unexpected B3!! I still can't believe it happened!! Many thanks to a certain someone for cheering me on to study hard for Geography!


I've "gained" many unnecessary points(the lower points you get, the better the results are), mostly due to hitting only a B3 grade for the easy E-Math exam, when I should've gotten an A1 instead, also being unable to deduct two bonus points due to my lousy CCA grade which wasn't really my fault either, also getting a lousy B4 for my Physics, and not having the chance to go into Higher Chinese where I can deduct two more extra points if I passed the subject. Sometimes I really regret not taking Higher Chinese despite the fact that I should be capable of handling the subject. Just because no teachers recommended me to take the subject, in both primary school and secondary school. While again, I would also have perhaps scored an totally unbelievable A1 for Geography if a certain teacher didn't have a strict and nonsensical marking scheme that failed me every single time, which left me to stop believing that I can do well in Geography, although I'm pretty interested in it. Once again, it's a pity. Then again, I can't really blame anyone but myself. 


That day was a tragedy to a lot of people in my school. We had our hopes high. All of us were very nervous, as we sat on the chairs in the school hall for one last time. When the result slips are given out one by one, people either are very satisfied, or just utterly disappointed. Quite a number shed tears... The Brotherhood are mostly demoralised too... But I guess we'll all have to move on with our life. To our next stage of education.


It seems that God only answered half of my prayers... I'm glad He answered that half... 

9 January 2012

I never looked at the consequences of missing a big shot... when you think about the consequences you always think of a negative result. - Michael Jordan


The fateful moment is already set. 9 January 2012 is the day we O-Level students will collect our results. And that day is... today... Well, we still got time. It's 2pm in the afternoon when the results are released. Yes, "still got time". Lately, I've been dreaming about this day, when we collect our results. Well, the dreams I had are ridiculous... But still, they're regarding the results collection day. Very soon, I'll be wearing my school uniform for the last time(that's if I don't retain... No I won't retain...), and I'll head for my school, then start getting feverish, getting anxious, and start shaking when the teachers start giving out the results.

All the excitement, the anxiety, the worries, we're already feeling it. Everything we strived for, it all comes down to tomorrow. The moment I get my results, I don't really dare to look at it. My own expectations of myself... I'm afraid of not achieving what I know I should get. It really is killing me now... I really hope that I've done well.

I still remember the day when I collected my PSLE results. I was very anxious then too. But that was nothing compared to this time. That time I was aiming for a very very high score coz' I know that I can do it. This time, I don't even know what results I might end up scoring. I can't really predict my results. All I can do is to wait and anticipate.

I always thought that I can take this head on. Always thought that I won't break down, won't waver, when I'm collecting my results. Always thought that I'm confident enough. But, really? I don't think so now. Perhaps I shouldn't continue to think about my results, have a good night's sleep, wake up tomorrow, and go through whatever I'm thrown at.

Time to sleep, for everything will be revealed tomorrow. Wish me luck.