My paternal Grandmother

"Nobody can do for little children what grandparents do. Grandparents sort of sprinkle stardust over the lives of little children." - Alex Haley

I've been wanting to post about this quite some time ago, but I either couldn't find the time, or I just fell asleep. Then again, just two nights ago, I wanted to post about this topic, so as to cheer my grandmother on, as she valiantly fought to cling onto her life. Before I knew it, I was attending her wake yesterday.

Just a little more than a week ago, she had been admitted to the hospital AGAIN. She's really old already, and as we all know, our organs start to fail us as we grow older. Throughout my life till now, she has been admitted to the hospital numerous times. During her time in the hospital, my parents usually bring me along to visit her. Most cases of her entering the hospital wasn't very serious. Just some old ailment or a minor lack of nutrition. However, we all understand that her body is getting weaker and weaker each passing year.

As she was admitted to the hospital(the most recent one), her case wasn't serious from what we can see. Just like any other hospital visit we had, she was very much alive, able to talk and interact like usual. Before we knew it, she had to move to the Intensive Care ward. Apparently her lungs was only working 30%-40%, and though she didn't have any trouble breathing in oxygen, she was having difficulties exhaling the carbon dioxide out of her body.

The doctor advised us to let her put on the "advanced oxygen mask"(I have no idea what to call it, but it's a stronger oxygen mask than the usual one), so that she will be able to inhale oxygen efficiently as well as to stabilise her condition, preventing more carbon dioxide to be stuck in her blood. She tried putting it on, but it was really tough for her. Her heart had to stand against the high pressure the oxygen mask placed on her. The medical staff took the mask off after 2 days in which her condition stabilised, but she began panting and trying very hard to catch her breath soon after taking off the mask. So they have no choice but to continue placing the oxygen mask on her.

After another couple of days, my grandmother decided to take the oxygen mask off, regardless of the dire consequences it might've been. All her offsprings which included my dad, got together in a family conference to discuss the situation and which action to take. It was settled to grant my grandmother her wish, and hope that she can take on her failing lungs and the excessive carbon dioxide in her blood, and recover. We were all mentally prepared for the worst. That very day after she took off the mask, I went with my parents to visit her again. She was in the Intensive Care ward, and she looked all frail and tired. She didn't open her eyes till she sensed me and my parents' presence. She nodded in acknowledgement and went back to rest. Her final words are "Go Home."(she said it in Cantonese).


The following day, she slipped into coma and her chances of recovering were very slim. When I visited her again, my heart just dropped. She was fighting it all alone. I felt so useless when I realised there's no way I can help her, even just to ease her pain. Everything was dependent on her sheer willpower. Throughout all these years she had an ailing body, and she fought on, never giving up till the final moment. She even thought for us when we were deciding whether to continue to allow her to put on the mask for long-term. Between short-term pain, and long-term pain, she chose the best way for us. She chose to end everything, and rely on solely her willpower to live.


I can't describe my admiration for her endurance, her will and her selflessness. She was a doting mother and grandmother. When she's alive, she kinda likes to eat whipped potato from KFC(minus the syrup) since she is without teeth, which either me or my dad will buy for her when we visit her once a fortnight. Coincidentally, her last 'meal' was the whipped potato which my dad bought for her while she was in the hospital(before her illness became serious). How ironic... The phone rang late two nights ago, and I hoped I was wrong. Apparently, I wasn't. She left us quietly...


She was the mother of nine(my dad is the youngest child), and each of them were filial and good figures. There isn't any disputes within the family at all, and each of her children(my uncles and aunts), were wonderful siblings. I must say she had lived a blessed life. She had always been a respected figure in my heart, and she always will be my closest, cutest, best cooking, strongest-willed, and doting grandmother. 


Rest In Peace, Grandma.

A new URL?

Well, as you can see, my URL is actually related to the Halo game series, and it makes me look like some military guy or some Halo fanatic(not that crazy about halo but ya...), which I apparently am not. So, I have been thinking about changing the URL... But I have no idea what to change it to. I would prefer to name my URL as a "place" like "office-of-naval-intelligence" which is a "place", while my blog will still be "Ephemeral Fireworks". Any ideas? Also, when I change the URL, people might not be able to visit my blog by typing the same URL again... Hmm... What should I do?

Siblings

Siblings are the people we practice on, the people who treat us about fairness and cooperation and kindness and caring - quite often the hard way. - Pamela Dugdale


I've already started my third week of lessons at Innova Junior College. Tutorials starts this week, and as my lecturers and tutors have warned us, the homework "tsunami" will be coming soon. No surprise, since we will have to juggle our Project Work, as well as our A-level subjects altogether, which will definitely test our time-management skills, which I lacked. Not to worry, I'm a changed person. I think I should be able to handle it. No longer am I gonna back down and screw everything up this time. I'm gonna take A-Levels down, one step at a time.


Just yesterday, I was strolling at a park under my grandmother's flat, and I happened to see a father playing badminton with his very young son, teaching and guiding him in the process. It reminded me of the days my parents taught me how to play badminton, in which I always lose to my parents at first. Then as I grew, my badminton skills overtook them. Also I saw 4 siblings playing basketball together, with one very young kid who looked like he can be the next Jeremy Lin. They were having so much fun. I was thinking of how it would be like if I had siblings.


Anyways, here's a fact about me - I am the only child of my family. I have neither brothers nor sisters. Well, I'm not the usual kind that whines about not having any siblings at all. Actually I don't mind being the only child. When I look at my friends who have siblings and how they interact with each other, I just wanna laugh. I mean, they often quarrel with their siblings, their brothers and sisters just seemed so annoying to them and stuff. Not that I'm glad that I need not suffer from having an annoying brother/sister who will piss me off, but I find it rather amusing how these siblings can actually live under one roof and quarrel with each other on every single chance they get.


These friends who have such unreasonable siblings will find me lucky coz' I don't have to deal with such people in my life, especially since if I have siblings, I gotta live with them until the day either they or I move out to live on our own. Ya, I really am lucky. I have my room to myself, my computer to myself, my games to myself, my parents' money to myself, my parents' attention to myself, my parents' love to myself and no idiot will come and disturb or irritate me.... and I can go on and on and on... Y'all will think this way. What's so bad about being the only child?


Of course, there's nothing wrong being the only child. And of course I must say that you really are unlucky to have such annoying sibling(s) born in the same family. But have you ever wondered how much can your siblings impact you? People change because of their siblings, for better or for worse. They could have such great impact on you. Someday you'll look back and ask yourself, will you be the way you are now if your sibling(s) didn't exist? Someday, you might be grateful that your siblings are by your side instead of anywhere else.


There're "good" siblings out there too. Brothers and sisters alike. They can be elder siblings or younger siblings, it doesn't matter. They are like a gift from heaven. But you can't expect every single person to be a good brother/sister. 


Throughout my life, I've only met two other people with the exact same birthday as me, though we are not born in the same year. These two people are my god-sisters. I met Sharon when she's just a baby. If I remembered correctly, I met her in Primary 4. My mother was babysitting her, so she's around my house from early morning all the way until the evening. I saw her grow, when she's just only able to cry and giggle, all the way till she is able to crawl and finally walk. Sometimes when I gotta wake up early for school, she enters my room on the "baby-walker" which has loud sounds inputed in it's buttons, and she will personally wake me up with all the noise she can make by spamming all the buttons. She will make that cute laugh when I have to wake up unwillingly. It is still so vivid in my mind. I felt so proud when she finally called me "brother" in Chinese. It's so long ago, she should probably be a primary 3 kid now.


The other person is my "jie", whom I already wrote about a long time ago somewhere in this blog. These two people are the sisters I never had. Actually, I was supposed to have a younger sister. But she didn't make it. I keep wondering how she'll look like, how different my life would have been if she came into this world. It's not that I feel lonely because I'm the only child. It's just that I find it a pity, that I didn't know what could've been. She might be another devilish sister who might haunt me and irritate me till I'm scared of her. Or she might be a really understanding and mature sister? Who knows...


Treasure the people around you, especially those who might seem insignificant. Because when they are around, you may find their presence unpleasant, but when they leave, you will miss them.

The "Good" and The "Bad"

"Like a coin, everything has two sides to it."


I've survived the first week of actual lessons in my new life at Innova Junior College. Having to attend lectures all day, taking frequent breaks in between sometimes, munching the cookies I really love, cleverly cutting the super long queue outside the bookshop to get our lectures notes from time to time, and cursing why we have so much breaks when instead we can finish most if not all our lectures in one go so that we can be released earlier. I've unknowingly just summed up my entire week of education. If anything, I know I'm ready for JC life.


Well, it's been some time since I wrote about a certain topic, since I'm always updating about my life, due to all the major events that happened at around the same period of time. Well, now I finally found the time I'll need to elaborate on a certain topic that I've been pondering over the past few weeks. In fact, this has always been on my mind.


I'm sure we all have heard about how everything has two sides to it. Like everything is an double-edged sword. Sometimes we are advised to "look at the bright side", when we are facing a problem or are feeling down because of something. Needless to say, obviously it's true that everything as both sides to it. And it is balanced. A coin has two sides, heads and tails, and when you flip it and catch it, both stand an equal chance of being the side face up. I know I'm talking about Mathematics, but the concept is there.


There's indeed a balance between the two sides of everything. Let's say, if you are playing soccer and someone injures you, putting you out of action. The "Bad" side would be that it will hurt a lot, maybe even to the extent of breaking your leg(for example), that you might not be able to play soccer anytime soon, which might be a burden on your team since you are irreplaceable on your team. That's really a bad situation, isn't it? When you look into the "good" side, the injury experience will make you be more able to avoid similar incidents from happening, making you more agile. The fact that you're not able to play soccer anytime soon, let you be able to spend more quality time with your loved ones, and the people you care about, or do any other things worth doing. My point is, when you actually think about the "advantages" and "disadvantages" for a certain something, both actually is on equal terms.


However, we people tend to look into one side more than the other. Taking the same example: getting injured while playing soccer - We will generally categorise it as a "bad" situation, since the negative effects seem so much more "obvious" that we usually don't even look at the positive effects. In our life, we categorise most stuff as "good" or "bad". Sometimes, after experiencing a certain incident, we may even change our mind about something, like from "good", we will think of it as "bad" now, and will want to avoid it as far as possible.


I feel that we really need to change our mindset about this, especially if a certain choice or event might shape our future, as well as the future of the people around us. If we keep looking at things from one side, our misperceptions will cause us to make regrettable and silly decisions. There will not be "good" without "bad", no "light" if there's no "darkness", no "love" without "hate". Both sides co-exists in every single thing in this world. Just because you have gone through something really bad, and you wish to avoid doing something once more, you're simply throwing away the chance of getting the good side of it. Isn't that regrettable? Don't throw the "good" stuff away, don't shut yourself away, give yourself a chance to redeem what's lost. Embrace both sides, because the "good" things couldn't have existed if not for the "bad". 


"Love and Pain are the two sides of the same coin."

Orientation

The future, the past and the present are intertwined, a weave that forms any point in time.


My JC1 orientation ended yesterday night, and I'm only posting this today coz' it ended late yesterday night and I'm dead beat. You guys will know why later. Anyways, I can only come up with a word to describe the orientation. AAAAWWWWEEEESSSSOOOOMMMMEEEE!!! Yup, I've gone crazy the last 4 days!! I really mean it. It's been quite some time since I've had so much fun to the point that I went so high and ecstatic! It is proven that enthusiasm infects people around too. When you take a look around me, my House, my State(Orientation group) and the entire school, we totally gone crazy!!!


The first day of orientation is usually boring, when you are surrounded mostly by people you don't know. Well, unless it's with the people already know for quite some time, like BreakTHRU camp last year, where I had it with my classmates I known for at least a year. Obviously, since I'm entering college life, I don't know at least 95% of the people around. As I walked towards the hall to assemble, I quickly scanned through the orientation grouping board for my name. I'm placed into a state named "Areden", and my House is "Aquila". Our mascot/symbol is the Eagle. Our colour is Blue. By "(colour) (Name) (Symbol)", There're also the green Sagittarius Archers, the red Taurus Bulls, and the yellow Rasalas Lions. Expectedly, I know no one in the same state as me.


During bonding sessions and lectures, I decided to take the first step this time and reach out to my fellow groupmates. I sat beside a guy named Jagpreet(I call him Jag for short) during introductory lectures, and introduced myself and made conversations with him. 4 days later, you see us laughing, dancing, cheering crazily together! I met Daan, Hafiz, Murti, Isaac, Xaverie, Denise, Iman, and many others in my state, as well as my house and school. I've also two fantastic House Group Leaders(HGLs) in charge of us who had been taking great care of us in our 4 days of orientation: Fazillah and Wei Ling. We started learning our mass dance steps on the very first day. It turned out to be a couple dance. "OMG, no way." was what I thought at first. However, it turned out to be one of the best parts in orientation that I really enjoyed, together with everyone else who was hyped up too!


The second and third day had many talks and introductory lectures as well. We had also fostered our house and state spirit and relationship through making our own state banners, and learning house cheers. If you have heard our house cheers, trust me, you'll feel it earth moving, and tremble before Aquila's might. Our house cheers shows so much strength and spirit that it "murdered" all the other houses. We're certainly the best in cheering, no doubts. Again we practised our dance steps and I "sort of" of mastered the dance already. We also had the Amazing Race on the third day, which is definitely a turning point as my state Areden went all out, winning almost everything, and we truly became a team. We also went very high, did cheers everywhere, marking the start of us going crazy in the orientation.


The fourth and final day in orientation, we have a campfire in the evening. Each house is supposed to put up a show during campfire, with the best house declared the winner at the end of the campfire. We practised our house item for the campfire again and again, planning to emerge as winners. By that time, Aquila has already bonded as really strong house to be feared, bringing the roof down every time we cheer. We're bound to win. The campfire officially opened, when the wooden cradle was set ablaze. As each house perform their very own item during the campfire, we certainly had lots of fun, and gave our very best in performing our item, and cheering as crazily as we can. As the very end, guess which house won? AQUILA WON!!!!!!!! Wootz, I can still remember how we totally went nuts, cheering at the top of our voices when we are declared the winners. It was so chaotic for Aquila, while the other houses sat and stared at disbelief. We ran all around, fists up in the air, jumping here and there, screaming like there's no tomorrow. I realised I used the word "crazy' a lot of times, but I think "crazy" is an understatement. I'm not exaggerating.


Of course, our mass dance (Fire Burning and Dynamite) is, of course, our finale of the night, and we enjoyed every single bit of it. Trust me, if I hear the songs anywhere, I might even dance outta nowhere. Every one of us were like "Can we dance again?". Going crazy all night totally knocked me out when I reached home. Man, I wish I can do it all over again. Maybe I will, next year, if I join the House EXCO, which means I will lead the JC1s in THEIR orientation next year :P


But the principal reminded us that the time for fun is over. Indeed. Within less than two years, I'm gonna take my 'A' levels. This time, I'm gonna redeem myself. I gotta score really really well, and head to a university, being able to take the course I want. So that I can close the gap between me and my dreams. And be able to reunite with my friends.