Revulsion

The coward will not fight. The fool refuses to see necessity. The scoundrel puts himself ahead of humanity. - Xavier Harkonnen

I must give my deepest apologies to my faithful readers wherever you are, as I've not posted much and anything at all these few days. The Mid-Year Examinations have officially started yesterday and I've took 2 papers already by the end of today. It will be a busy fortnight for me so I too will not post much because I will be concentrating on revising and preparing for the exams.
After today's examinations, my class had a O-Level Physics Science Practical Assessment (SPA). Right before that, we were in the supposed "Quarantine Zone" in the Biology Lab where we do our last revision and prepare for the upcoming assessment. Guess what happened during that period of time in there? Two jokers took out the distilled water spray and started to spray at a particular whiner. It was rather chaotic. Quite number of people got caught in the "Crossfire" and got hit by the water. Imagine spraying water across two benches. I happened to be in the vicinity and also got hit. I was rather annoyed at the playful jokers who seemed to not stop. I gave them a cold stare, indicating them to stop everything. They got part of my point and was sorry for accidentally spraying on "innocent parties" such as me. However, they did not stop the water assault on the guy they always pick on for fun. ("Picked on" does not mean real bad bullying. We all take him as a friend. Although he's really a big whiner.) I didn't bother to say anything more and continued my revision. Then judgement came. The Head of Department for Science saw part of the episode and came in. You know what happened next.
"Those who played with the Distilled Water Spray come out now. If you have done it, have the guts to admit it."
The atmosphere was so tense... One immediately admitted.
"Only one? No... I saw everything. Have the guts to come out. Who's the chairman? Ah... Yes, you must have seen everything. Tell me, who else?"
Awkward silence.
"Who else?"
The chairman unwillingly pointed the other one.
"Yes, who else?"
Then he pointed out the "victim".
"There are leaders in this class. Chairman, the class committee, councillors. Yet no one stopped this? You will not take the SPA until after the last shift is over and everyone of you will write a statement on what happened. If I'd make you stay till 5pm, 6pm, I will."
Then things finally calmed down for awhile as the two culprits got dragged outside for serious lecturing and they allowed the SPA to continue as per normal for the rest of us. During the SPA itself, I was thinking whether I should blame those two for ruining the entire class' day. I reached the conclusion of NO. The teacher was right. We should've stopped them. It's not that we think that we need not be responsible for other's action but rather we think that they are just screwing around like usual and have no need to stop them. The entire class should bear the responsibility as a class. And too, there's no need to blame anyone. Not those who played a fool, not those who added into the fire, not those who didn't care. Not anyone of us. We should all learn from this experience and forgive one another. Though the day was already ruined, and there's nothing we can do about it.

Reap

"You reap what you sow."

Heard of "Karma"? Understand the logic of "Cause and Effect"? Well, if you do, you would probably understand what I will be talking about. "Cause and Effect"? You plant a seed in the right soil, right conditions, it will germinate and eventually bear fruits or become a tree. You plant several rice seedlings and worked dutifully to take care for all of the seedlings so that they would grow healthily, there would be rice wheats at the during harvest. Well, if you just plant them and not care about the growth of the seedlings, you'd probably not get much or nothing at all during the harvesting period. Of course sometimes "Miracles" do happen. Anyways, this theory does not apply to just farming alone. It's about planting seeds to everything you do in your life. The beginning, the foundation, then the process and finally, the fruits of your labour. Studies is one that the "Cause and Effect" theory can be applied on. You work hard on your foundations on your studies faithfully and diligently, and continued to practice along the way, you're most likely to get good results. If you just slack and not do any work, being very lazy, not paying attention in class... You won't understand any concept and even if you work hard at the very end, you will not be able to produce good results coz' your foundation is not at the level where you can answer questions easily. Besides studies, relationships with the people around you can apply this logical theory too. Other than that there're a lot of stuff that has the "Cause and Effect" theory working in it. I have quarrelled with my mum just now. Well, this time she is obviously in the wrong. But the quarrel was rather one-sided as usual. She was actually talking back, trying to use illogical thinking to defend herself and prove that I'm in the wrong. She's always trying to be right, won't admit her mistake. I, on the other hand, desired to fire back. But I thought that it would be useless. So I tried to reason with her, asking how she would have felt if she was treated this way. She just plainly snapped and continued her scoldings. I was then reminded of just one thing. That in the future, she would completely understand what's the meaning of "Cause and Effect" and she would deeply regret what she had done. Coz' I would make sure of it. I would tell her, "You reap what you sow, Mum. Remember what you have done?" Forgiveness and Mercy is one thing. Cause and Effect is another. We will always face judgement for our own actions one day. Whether it could be studies, relationships, career, our undecided future. Our actions in the past and the present will shape our future. So, remind yourselves about this. It may come in handy.

Reject

"Sorry, I just don't like you."

I can't believe I am actually writing this essay. "Reject". I am troubled. Well, not just troubled. Just can't find the right word to describe my feelings. Sad? Guilty? Angry? Worried? Maybe all mixed together. I'm always trying to be a good person. Trying to be forgiving, thoughtful of other's feelings, understanding, kind, and stuff. Although sometimes I wasn't what I've said above, but I have tried. I don't wanna hurt anyone if possible. Why? Coz' it hurts me when I realise I am hurting someone else. Especially emotionally. If it's only about disputes, quarrels and stuff, it's still fine. But when there comes to a time when a quite/very close friend of the opposite sex comes forward and confesses... I knew what I have to do. But doing it would hurt her. Of coz' it would hurt me too. But I can't let this drag on. I gotta put an end to it so that even if it hurts, it wouldn't hurt so much and both of us wouldn't suffer. Sometimes I really hope that I am not 'gifted' to be able to see through the veils of time. Way before all these started, I've already seen the possibilty of this happening almost the exact way it have happened. I can only hope that she does not misunderstand the fact that I'm not hurt after the rejection. Coz' I am.

"I think rejecting someone feels worse than being rejected cause you know how it feels to be on the other end." 

Relinquish

Endurance. Belief. Patience. Hope. These are the key words of our existence. - Zensunni prayer

I wanted to post yesterday but couldn't coz' I was really exhausted. Yesterday was the official day of the "Passing-Out-Parade" which is named 'POP' in our school. What's it about? It's the day whereby Uniformed Groups (UG) graduating cadets officially step down as UG cadets and seniors. It's really very meaningful when I see the colours of their uniform, 5 kinds in total, stood and marched on to finish the last parade in their secondary school life. They had been tortured by their predecessors, got to be punished for every little mistake so that they would be disciplined to the maximum. Got punished, got "pumped", got scorched by the hot sun in parades and stuff, got pushed to their limits. But during these times, they have bonded together with the others who had gone through the same harsh treatment together. They endured the pain, believed in themselves, became patient with their juniors, hoped for the best to their legacy in their different UGs. It was really touching when I witnessed the entire process of the parade. That parade made me regret not joining the UG, coz' it makes me wanna "pass out" with em'. That moment when they got dismissed and gave the final salute. That split second. Then I saw berets up in the sky and joyful faces filled with smiles and grins. The four years they had been with one another, all the torture and rewards... had ended. As the the our batch of UG members step down and relinquish their leadership positions, the next-in-line steps up and takes the mantle of leadership and responsibility to furthur shine and glorify their UG. This tradition will carry on to the next and the next and further generations to come. Like a never-ending fire.

P.S Man, I wanna join the UG.

Rebuke

A popular man arouses the jealousy of the powerful. - Thufir Hawat

Before I start saying anything, I just wanna apologise on the fact that it's almost been a full week since I posted anything. To those of you who still visit this blog, I really thank you guys for being so patient with me. A sincere thank-you is truly deserved. Alright, let's get down on business. There's this guy in our class. He is naturally considered the clown of our class. Well, he's only second to his other joker pair, who's truly the most recognised clown in our class. So there's two clowns who always 'cooperate' with each other while trying to create laughter and joy in and out of the classroom. Well, that's not the main point. See, the guy I'm talking about is not just a clown. He's rather smart too. He does very well especially for his Maths, which he is very often praised by our Math teacher (our most 'despised' teacher if you had read my previous posts). As for other subjects, he stills do quite well for all except his Mother Tongue Language which is Chinese. Read the quote at the start of this post. You can easily predict what I'm gonna say. There's a certain Maths lesson that when our Math Teacher asked the class whether we are confident that we could score full marks or very close to full marks for an assignment, and those who are confident can stand up. I looked around, wondering whether the either of the 'Big Three' would stand. The 'Big Three' is the top three students in my class academically by the way. As suspected, they did not. Then I hear the dragging sound of a chair, indicating the standing motion of someone. Then I already knew who. It was that guy. I've said to myself "He's the clown. He's just wants attention and recognition of him being one of the best in Maths." But apparently, not everyone thinks that way. Then on the very same day, He and I plus a few classmates were at the canteen after English remedial. One of my classmates asked another classmate what's her CCA (co-curricular activity). She answered Basketball and Netball. Let's name the classmate who answered Y and the guy X. Then Y explained that her original CCA was only Basketball but joined Netball later as she wanted to help her other friends who are in Netball.
X commented "If you don't have enough CCA points, then just admit the fact that you joined Netball to get more CCA points."
Y: "I have from Basketball 20+ points (I can't remember but 20 points is sufficient)."
X: "What's the big deal? I have 32." Then there were tension in that particular area where I happened to do my work in.
One of the other classmates asked them not to quarrel.
X: "A quarrel? A quarrel only happens when two people are on equal terms(that means on the same level). In this case, I have higher ground."
Y: "Higher ground? In terms of what?"
X: "Well? Intellectually."
Y: "What's your rank in class last year then?"
X: "8th?"
Y: "Ha! I'm 7th!"
This is the almost complete conversation between them.
Y was really fed up by X's attitude and blind arrogance after this incident, and desired to really shut his mouth by totally crushing him in results.
I asked Y, "Does crushing him in results really satisfy you?"
She answered, "Not in that sense. But he had really offended me, and he thinks so highly of himself even though there are people like me who totally beat him in terms of results and intelligence. Did you see what he did during Maths class? He really thinks that he's going to be the best in our class!"
At that moment I wondered whether who's in the wrong. For a second. Then I realised that both are in the wrong. And both would be forgiven. By me, at least. Yes, many classmates dislike that behaviour and attitude. I was one of them. But I also have realised that sometimes he's not bad. That's why I would not blame him, although at times I admit I would be mad at him. And Y? She wanted to teach him a lesson by proving that she is superior intellectually. That was on the heat of the moment, that I would forgive too. But she seems serious about it.
Sometimes I wonder, does results really show a person's true intelligience? For all I know, there could be people out there who may be lazy and stuff in which they do badly or just adequately in tests and examinations, but in truth they have more wits, cunning, smarter and wiser than any other students. And I truly pity them as this society emphasises on results, proven skills or specialty.

Reflect

I can take the rain on the roof of this empty house
That don't bother me
I can take a few tears now and then and just let 'em out

I'm not afraid to cry every once in a while even though
Goin' on with you gone still upsets me
There are days every now and again I pretend I'm okay
But that's not what gets me

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

It's hard to deal with the pain of losin' you everywhere I go
But I'm doin' it
It's hard to force that smile when I see our old friends and I'm alone
Still harder gettin' up, gettin' dressed, livin' with this regret
But I know if I could do it over
I would trade, give away all the words that I saved in my heart
That I left unspoken

What hurts the most
Is being so close
And havin' so much to say
(Much to say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do, oh
Oh yeah

What hurts the most
Was being so close
And havin' so much to say
(To say)
And watchin' you walk away

And never knowin'
What could've been
And not seein' that lovin' you
Is what I was tryin' to do

Not seein' that lovin' you
That's what I was trying to do
- What Hurts The Most by Rascal Flatts

Let us reflect, shall we? Did anyone of you guys or gals lose a friend before? A quite close friend? Or maybe BFFs (The so-called Best Friend(s) Forever)? Or maybe someone you have loved, or have loved you? A relative? A favourite teacher, perhaps? Well, take note of this: When I've said lose (someone), I don't just meant breakups or turning your backs to one another. I also meant being seperated. Being seperated? Could be physically seperated, and most probably never really meet each other anymore. Could be spiritually seperated. You know what I mean. One's alive, while the other is in afterlife. After asking yourself that question, ask again, did you get the chance to say goodbye or say something you really wanted to say to him/her yet is hidden in your heart? I remember seeing a Fan-Made music video of this song based on Final Fantasy 7. If you're interested in the actual plot, well go check on it. This is how it goes: There's the part where Aerith (a girl) got killed by the antagonist Sephiroth and Cloud (the Main Protagonist) is just so close to saving her. So close. Yes yes, you know the relationship between the Cloud and Aerith don't you? Truth is, Cloud didn't really have the chance to tell her his feelings for her, although she somehow gets the idea. And he felt guilty and responsible for her death. And of course, he regretted that he didn't get the chance to say the words in his heart and didn't have the chance to say goodbye. This incident affected him deeply even in the not-so-far future. Well, enough about Final Fantasy 7. So I hope that you guys will cherish the people around you that are really good to you. It hurts when you lose someone you have a good or close relationship with. But It sure hurts a lot more when you didn't have the chance to say what's in your heart, then he/she is gone.