Disappointment

Disappointment is a form of bankruptcy - The bankruptcy of a soul that expends too much in hope and expectation. - Eric Hoffer, The Passionate State of Mind


Sorry for not posting anything for such a long period of time. I actually wanted to post this early this week but as it seems, I was terribly sick. My fever hit a 40.2 degree celsius record. If you think that alone is bad enough, there's more. I've got running and blocked nose, terrible sore throat and coughing really bad. Till now, I still got my cough and sore throat...


Disappointments are part and parcel of life. Who doesn't know that? We all have our moments when we are very disappointed, whether if it's disappointed in our results, disappointed that your birthday present wasn't what you wanted, disappointed that someone else did something terribly wrong when you have expected better from him/her. Nah, I'm not gonna mention anymore examples, since it's obviously too many. But one thing we all do know is that disappointments don't cease to exist. They just keep coming, don't they? One after another.


Just last Friday, I have had quite a number of disappointments. The very first one is the GP essay. I seriously can't believe that I've scored 23/50 for my very first GP essay. That was a sub-pass. And I don't even treat sub-pass as a passing grade. First off, I did my best to do that essay, and even came up with some "brilliant" examples to seal the argument. Though I'm inexperienced and didn't follow much of the taught format, I personally think that 23/50 is far too harsh. Perhaps even biased.


Project Work is another hell for JC students. After getting my PI rejected, I thought what could be worse. Well, lemme tell you what. My PW group arrangement. To be frank, it hit me hard when my PW group was finally revealed. Not saying that any one of them is incapable or just plain slackers. To be honest, I think that they can contribute a lot to the group, including one or two who can come up with remarkable ideas. However, being such an analytical person, I had already came up with possible PW groupings(which is fair yet can ensure team chemistry within the group)in my mind way before our groups are revealed. But it obviously didn't go my way, so disappointment is inevitable. Quite frankly, I contemplated asking our PW tutor for a reshuffle, but I didn't do it. It probably might cause some tension within the class, which I believe we already had. I've been reshuffling the PW groups at the back of my mind ever since the groupings were revealed, "trading" people here and there, while ensuring that they can work together and have the each of the roles given within each group. Though I've actually found a few other combinations which could have worked as well, but like I said, I did not approach my tutor to ask for a reshuffle.


Remember I said something about going for my House Exco interview in one of my previous posts? I didn't get into the House Exco. Yesterday the House leaders and CCA leaders were "inducted" officially if I'm not wrong. To not be up there with the rest of the House Exco members... It is very disappointing. To my surprise, I've found out that my OG mate Isaac didn't get past the interview as well. I mean, I could very well see those who have led the Aquila House well during the Bintan camp. If I could vote for someone to be part of the House Exco, Isaac would definitely be one of the first. But no, he didn't get in. The thing that really made me wonder is why. Why not us? Just becoz' of the interview? Leadership capabilities are measured by an interview? Many people went for the interviews for their respective Houses but some of those notable candidates actually didn't get in as well. Looks like I've still got a long way to go.


Despite being disappointed so many times before, I still feel demoralised somehow. I've been striving to not disappoint anyone anymore, especially myself. But it just keep happening.