Reveal

I hate to lose more than I love to win - Jimmy Connors


I'll try my best to continue to post as much as I can during this period of time when I should be revising. So don't blame me if this blog appears dead for about 3 weeks.


Anyways, in this post I'll reveal something about myself. To those who know me well, or those who think they know me, they will probably know about this particular trait I possess. Of course, the quote on top says it all: I hate losing. Yes, I hate losing more than I love to win. Although I must justify something about this aspect of myself. If I ever lose a team soccer game which I'm fairly poor at playing, I won't dislike the fact that I lost unless the other guy taunted me or my team, and stood there gloating and bragging. If I had fun playing in any game or sport and there's sportsmanship on both sides, why would I be unhappy about it even if I lose in the process. It could even be something that I'm good at, but so long I'm having fun, and everybody else is having fun, we're laughing and enjoying ourselves, there's no reason for me to be unhappy.
However, sometimes I really hate it when I lose. Especially to someone who does not deserve to win. If you guys had read deeper into my blog, you would know about the previous Basketball incidents. Yes, the post's titled "Respect". That's one example. The other one is when I'm put into a disadvantaged situation against someone and I obviously lost, and the opponent(s) thinks that I'm actually lousy when I could've defeated them easily if we played fair and square. Like maybe I'm thrown into a team that has little knowledge and skill to play a game against the obviously stronger team who will eventually win. That's another example of my reasons for hating to lose. I hate to lose when I could have won, and when I should have won. Some people really need to shut up, and thrashing them is a way of shutting them up, don't you think so? 
Sometimes I'm afraid of losing instead of hating to lose. I'm not bragging but I'm (probably) one of the best Chinese Chess player of my age and I'm afraid that if I have made a critical and silly mistake in the process and resulted in me losing, I'll lose my reputation of being the "Best", or it will give an golden opportunity of my opponent to gloat, brag and sing of their single victory against me (coz' by then I would've a record of 20+Wins to 1 Loss against that guy). It's been very long since I've played Chinese Chess, and I am certain that my reaction, observation and anticipation skills all have 'rusted' after all this time. Perhaps I should start to play again when the O's are over? Yes, this is the pressure of being at the top of the mountain when challengers just keep threatening your 'throne'.
I certainly hate people thinking that they are better than me when actually it's the other way round. Sometimes I just wanna say, "Please, you'll never catch up to me. Don't act like you did." In Basketball, I'm not anywhere near 'good' in the sport I admit, but there are a lot more people in my school who play worse than me, and yet they thought that they are better than me. I'm not a scorer, I'm a playmaker. I dish out assists and acts as the floor general, and I only take the shot or lay-up when necessary. And Basketball is only a hobby although I'm so passionate about it. I'm not thinking of advancing to professional or anything. All I wanted was to have fun with my friends and improve myself to a certain extent. Nothing more. But there're those people who make me hate losing to them. In normal cases, I don't even feel anything bad about losing, but these people make me wanna just thrash them and leave it. It could be a Basketball match, a console game, or even comparing scores in examinations. Winners should act like winners. Or else, why should they deserve to win?


Everyone says, "I don't want to lose." Magic and Larry Said, "I'll kill you if I lose." - 'When the Game is ours' by Jackie MacMullen