Spooky Feed #19

Your original unselfish choice fills you now with selfishness. - Leto's Inner Voices

Got back the results of Chemistry and A-Math today. Just barely passed Chemistry: Already a joyous moment for me. Then... Failed A-Math badly. *Sigh* Forget it, forget it... Let's talk about something else. During recess today, me and my usual friends grouped up together and chatted like we did, then the subject came to love. I went quiet (sucking from a straw to the packet drink), while the rest targeted Bryan Cheo. Gavin who was sooooo 'successful' in wooing a girl and sooooo arrogant that he did it like it was nothing, tried to 'impart his skills' to Bryan. It was mentioned that Bryan's special someone recently kinda broke up, and Gavin and the others were strongly persuading him to "occupy the space while it's empty". Bryan rejected the idea strongly even after so much persuasion. Then there begin where Chong Jin muttered "Bryan, your ValVal". Bryan was annoyed at that remark for a couple of seconds until he looked at me (I recall that I was looking down and drinking my drink). As I was looking down, I didn't see any fingers pointed at me when Chong Jin remarked that keyword a second time. "Oh ya, BX yours also right?" Bryan commented. I simply nodded my head. At that time, Yi Da pointed out that my case was a failure while Gavin's was highly successful. I was reminded of my painful memories once again. After the entire discussion, Bryan and I had a 1-on-1 talk. Having been in the same situation once, I understood why he didn't want to just "occupy the space while it's empty".
"You didn't want to, coz' you think you ain't good enough for her right?"
"Ya." Bryan replied.
"You could improve yourself. However, the opportunity may already have left you." I told him.
The words I spoke, were the exact words that I've told myself at least half a decade ago. My second sentence, was exactly what happened to me. It was a unselfish choice when I chose to not confess... It was unselfish when I found out that she had a boyfriend and yet gave them my blessings silently. It was unselfish when I discovered that they broke up and I did nothing but worry about her feelings and emotions. It was unselfish when I found out that they patched up and swallowed my feelings once again. I tried my best to let go of you, But I can't...